If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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