Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
