after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Couch. On fire.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
