did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
