I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
