Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
