he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
