So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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