So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
