If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
