my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
