Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
people are starting to question the shark bite story
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
