just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
