Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
