He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
