I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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