it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
