i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
