There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
