So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
