if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
