This is not my ceiling
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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