do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
