so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
