Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
