Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
two words: eviction party
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
