A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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