I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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