either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
