The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
