sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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