I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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