Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
