Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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