Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
