are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
