i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
