he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
