I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
