im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
