It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
