My sheets look like a crime scene.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
