I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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