I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
