I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
