what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
