Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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