I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
