u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
