i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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