I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Everclear isn't food dammit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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